Can Your Family Survive Your Success?
Posted By Ric Vatner on June 11, 2010
Why I Hate Seth Godin - He is so damn prolific!
Do you know why I hate Seth Godin?
Because I have bought all his books – and read them, I follow his blog, I read his articles, watch his videos, download his PowerPoint Presentations and eBooks and just when I think he couldn’t possibly have anything more to say (that would be worth listening to) he comes up with more.
When will Seth Godin run out of ideas?
He is so damn prolific! I struggle to write a few articles each week and never make it round to all my blogs let alone get my newsletter out while he just seems to pump out quality articles, newsletters, eBooks and blog posts one after the other and never misses a beat.
Oh, you noticed? I’m jealous.
Well surely that just proves I’m human. He does what I want to do, and does it so effortlessly and well; what do you want me to do, throw my knickers at him? (okay, under pants but that didn’t quite work).
Then today I read his blog post Hope and the magic lottery and I realised that his life wasn’t always so easy. He once also knew the sense of frustration felt by artists and business people alike, when they feel that things are not happening fast enough. And that secret fear, that it may never happen. That feeling is the business equivalent of wading up hill in a fast moving stream against the current.
He knows that feeling and he has not forgotten.
Success - Is it what you really want?
It’s funny; when someone becomes successful they are often called an overnight success because “yesterday we had never heard of them; today they are famous”. But I have met many such people and they all say “It took me ten years (or in some cases, 20 years) to become the overnight success” they say I am.
Sure some people, a very small, and lucky, minority might strike success immediately or within a short period of starting. But while they may get a lot of publicity, they are the “lottery winners” that Seth mentions.
The trouble is that many people think that should be them. so they spend their life chasing that lottery win instead of working on becoming successful one step at a time. Mau Zedong famously said “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” However, Seth covers that issue in his blog, I want to make another point.
Who is Really the One Impatient for Success?
In my experience, it is not always the artist or the budding business entrepreneur that is the impatient one. Quite often they are far too busy enjoying the journey to be impatient. More often, it is the family of that person and their friends who are the impatient ones and take morbid satisfaction out of pointing out how long it is taking to achieve “success”.
Of course they are often blind to the little successes along the way that like milestones, indicate the distance covered.
Sure, they are frustrated; they want the benefits that the aspirant promised would flow when they are a success. Maybe they missed out on spending time with the person while they worked on their project, maybe they feel that the person could have earned more money as an employee or may be they just fear being embarrassed if they fail.
Often, these hecklers on the sidelines do not have what it takes to do it themselves, either in talent or strength of character which would enable them to make such sacrifices at the alter of Ganesh*1. As a result they often harbour a secret jealousy against the hard working, dedicated and dare I say it, contented (possibly even happy) budding entrepreneur (or student, or artist etc).
The saddest part is that these “friends and family” often work hard actively encouraging their loved ones failure, doing everything in their power to make it happen. They withdraw their moral support, they promote every little failure and ignore any successes along the road, they sneer and put the person down in public and denigrate them in private. They sap their energy and their confidence. And if the one with the dream should fail, they show them no respect for trying but rather say things like “It was impossible”, “you were not up to the task” “you were talked into it”, “it was a silly dream”
And the worst one “Don’t ever try and do it again”
Over the years, I have seen many young adults leave home because they got no support from their parents for their ambition to be different. I have also seen marriages break up because one partner had a dream to achieve something and the other just wanted the rewards. Maybe they shared the dream in the beginning, but success is a long distance race not a sprint. Even instant success is often only a stepping stone to somewhere else. So somewhere along the line, the non participating partner, friend, parent or child drops out of the dream and to justify their failure, they actively pursue yours.
Can Your Family Survive Your Success?
Can you succeed in an environment that is hostile to success without splitting up? My honest opinion, it is difficult.
if your success is your partner’s failure, there is no team goal. In fact they can be as committed to your failure as you are to your success. Why? Because if you do succeed, they fear you will go on to a place where they cannot follow.
They fear losing you to the very success that you promised would bring the family such great honour and rewards. As surely as every success or failure along the way develops your character and changes you as a person, so the ones not experiencing these challenges, successes and blips, are in danger of receding further away from you intellectually.
Keeping the passion alive while you are passionately chasing your dreams
Your challenge should you accept it, is to ensure that you take them along with you on the trip. Don’t say goodbye at the beginning of it as you “go it alone” and expect them to be ecstatic about your success when you return (metaphorically speaking) 10, 15 or 20 years later.
Climbing to the top of the heap is not the real challenge, that’s the fun part; taking your loved ones along, that’s the bit that’s not easy.
[1] Lord Ganesh is the Hindu God of Success and overcoming obstacles
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